I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
