I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
