Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
