I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
