when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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