i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
