is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
