I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
