She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
