My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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