Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
