I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
PANTIES FOUND
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