The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
dude. I can hear the air.
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