This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
