"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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