How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
