We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
