You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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