I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
