i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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