Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
