I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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