Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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