so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
