i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
