good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
