I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
