My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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