I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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