Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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