if i can run in heels then i can drive
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
