marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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