I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
