your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
