When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
