Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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