Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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