my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
