somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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