Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
