you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
