This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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