Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
my poor anus
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
