if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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