I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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