how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
