I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
