Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
