There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
