Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
